It feels like someone from that other world pulled back a piece of the curtain to let me have a look. That was all. and everything. But why did they do that?

I’m not really sure. I’m not even sure that is indeed what has been done. Theories are what I exist on. My life has been a relentless search to try and prove or disprove these funny theories. New theories arrive—while old ones fade away, like a mixture of paint colors swirling together as they are washed down the drain.

Maybe it was a mistake that I was shown into this world. I once imagined that I heard the highly respectable and dignified gatekeeper announce their regret. They even issued a warning to others—urging them to avoid these same actions. Furthermore, I’m almost positive others—on this side of the curtain—caught that particular little moth ball floating by. See, there’s these little mothballs floating by—little intentions—and sometimes you can catch them. But then again—well, it could too just be some connection being made by ones own mind. And of which perhaps does not lead back to the conclusion of intent that has been seemingly struck upon. It’s faith. And it really is all and everything.

Now then, the only thing I know for certain—is that I am finally at a point of being at complete peace with myself and with where I am in the world. It’s not always like that. There are still those pesky grave days of absolute despair and despondency. But those times are becoming less and less. Creating is the key. As long as I continue to create, and share what I am creating (even if it’s only with the imaginary world behind the curtain), it not only heals, but seems to enlighten a tiny bit here and there. And I’ve come to realize that this is how it has always been done. It’s nothing novel or new. All that “Don’t do what I did” talk…well, every one does it, all the time in that world. It’s what makes it go round. It’s simply new skin for the old ceremony. And I just stumbled into this understanding. I got a peek into the world (thanks to the humble and wise gatekeeper) and from there, certain pieces just fall into place.

And while I am finding this imaginary world to be a very safe and free space, separate from the true reality of every day life—it seems almost as if there is some kind of calculated pressure—and it’s coming from those thriving in this “other” sphere of reality. It’s a pressure to conform. And to prove something. But no no, not prove that, because those theories were never meant to be proven or disproven. That’s the new theory, anyway. And maybe all of the perceived negative chatter that happens to float by sometimes—-maybe that’s just the Henry Rollins part of my mind. It’s the part that goes——————”shoot, clearly all of my efforts are futile. I am doing nothing more than proving all of the time that I am an unfortunate disappointment.” But what can you do— all anyone can ever do or be is themselves.